I haven’t been sleeping well in the last couple of nights and that usually sets me off on an emotional roller coaster….this time was no different.
I woke up this morning and was feeling like i’d been hit by a train. I didn’t know what was eating at me, and yet I did. I’ve been struggling in my business lately. I’m doing all the things that i’m supposed to do but i just don’t seem to be moving forward. I’m frustrated, i’m angry, and sad all rolled into one giant emotion that is difficult to untangle.
As many of you know I measure everything I do according to Scripture. At least to the very best of my ability. As I sat with my wife this morning we were chatting and I began to share that a promotion in our business had been extended and some things needed to take place for me to qualify. She quickly got up and grabbed my hands and said, let’s pray! Well I just sat there looking at her and she closed her eyes and was off to the races. It wasn’t a particularly long prayer but was heartfelt and sincere.
I sat there feeling hollow, shallow, forlorn, ugly and depleted. I know, not very nice words coming from someone who preaches the benefits and power of vulnerability. But it was how I was feeling. Now, back to the measuring my life according to Scripture. I looked at my wife and asked, “maybe you can connect a dot for me here” I can’t feel the way I do, act the way I do sometimes and then get on my face and pray expecting God to answer my prayers (even though it was her prayer this morning). I said to her, “Scripture states that God answers the prayers of a righteous man. Well I certainly don’t feel righteous, i’m not acting righteous and just for the life of me can’t see the purpose of me praying and having it all fall on Deaf Ears. Well she looked at me in disbelief and said “now just hold on a second” she exited the room and returned with her iPad.
She handed it to me and said here listen to this: A song by Amy Grant
Hope you clicked on that link and enjoyed it and that maybe it just freed you up from where you are when you come across this entry.
See I sometimes lose sight of who I am, and what things are really all about. When I heard the lyrics sharing that “We pour out our Miseries, God just hears a melody, beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries of breaking hearts, are better than a Hallelujah” it kind of jolted me back into reality. The power of that is our crying out in that bleak weak brokenness. It’s not about how good we are or how loud and eloquent our prayers are, it’s the simple fact that we cry out. That’s what’s heard.
Once again our quiet time and discussion time equips me with the tools to move forward and to trust that if I keep doing the things I need to do that things will work out for the best. They always do. I don’t need to turn to my Maker all pure and polished to have Him hear my heart, He hears it loudest when it’s breaking.
So friends should you find yourself in such a position I pray that you have a wife who can help you through by believing in you, by standing trustingly by your side and propping you up till you have the strength to stand up and get comfortable in the brokenness that makes up our lives.
I’m almost done crying now and should really get back to work. Be blessed all, it’s time to change some lives.
Have a great day….unless you have other plans.