Shame! Why let it hold you captive?


Shame! Why let it hold you captive? It’s true! I honestly believe it’s something we allow.

Conditioning is why. From early childhood right into our adult life, we are taught not to talk about shameful things. It’s the silence that creates the shackles. It’s time we break free, at least from my perspective it is. How many times as a child did you hear things like ssssshhhh, we don’t say those things out loud, or we don’t talk about those things in public. My life was filled with examples just like that and I can safely bet yours was as well.

If you are looking to break free, then it’s time to step up and muster up the courage to step into your discomfort and begin showing up as your authentic self….warts and all. Limited thinking, false emotions, self defeating learned behaviour, unnecessary guilt, zero boundaries are all contributing factors and it’s time to say enough.

If we embrace our vulnerability and begin to understand it as a great equalizer and a way for us to connect on real levels then I believe more of us will stand up and tell our real stories. The more I move through life the more I understand the power that it has. We can be brave and show up authentically, telling our real stories, talking about our failures publicly. It’s really one of the powerful ways to create space and allowing other sufferers to take off their masks and for some, connect on real level for the first time ever.

A while back I came across the teachings of Brene Brown who did a Ted Talk and found this clip to be extremely useful.

Listen and expand your perception

I have been experimenting with a segment that I am referring to as “The Up and Outer”. Not a term that you can hang on anyone, so please, understand that I’m not name calling. This is simply a term I’m using to capture a mindset. We have all heard of the “Down and Outer” well i’m learning that the “Down and Outer” is “broke” because they are “broken” and the “Up and Outer” is “broken” because they are “broke”.  Might take a minute to wrap your mind around it, but think about it. I can maybe elaborate on this in another post, but for now I want to tie it into the shame based thinking.

“Up and Outer’s” silently suffer, because they feel deep shame. The shame they often fear is really attached to what they see as failure. I’ve come to understand that the failure is a direct result of their enormous success. Here is what I mean. All my life I’ve had the ability to turn on the proverbial “Money Tap” and as a result of that skill, retirement and savings were always a distant thought. “I’ll prepare for that next year” and all of sudden you experience a banner year and end up living under a microscope with your taxing police and that cycle never seems to come to an end.  We enter our Golden Era with little to show for all the hard work, our incredibly healthy work ethic, our relentless push towards the ever elusive break. We have worked hard and taken risks and it’s our success on so many levels that has lead to what many would deem as “failure”

Stop it, you aren’t alone, and here is the good news, there are options available for people who want to hear about them. I know many are looking for possible and not easy. Heck nothing you have ever done is considered easy. It’s your willingness to take on those things that has set you apart. So let me encourage you to step into your discomfort, share your true story and create some space for others who suffer in silence. We have all we need at our disposal and we don’t need anyone’s permission to grasp the Golden Rings. C’mon you can do it.

If you have any doubt what so ever, pick up a phone and give me a ring, my contact info is at the bottom of my blog, I welcome your call and I’ll tell you the truth. I have no Shame!


Have a great day folks…unless you have other plans.

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