It’s Monday and it’s 4:00 a.m. I’m wide awake….what’s going on? It’s like I understand for the first time ever. Surrender for a greater outcome.
I can’t surrender, heck i’m a fighter, but it keeps rolling around in my mind…..surrender for a greater outcome. The thought just wouldn’t let me go back to sleep. Ok, so I actually begin to think about what that would mean and suddenly I found myself smiling. I made the decision right then and there to simply allow life to unfold the way it always has and to not resist the paths it took me down. Resisting all of that was senseless anyways. It did nothing more than cause stress, anxiety and anger. It took me down paths that kept me from any form of peace. As I looked back at my life and began to understand how the need to command and control kept me from really being able to enjoy things. I felt sick to my stomach.
So I got up and decided to simply celebrate life and all the twists and turns without wanting to control anyone or anything. Let’s see what this is all about. I made coffee and I just felt different. I’m usually tense because someone had left dishes in the studio, or pots on the stove or spilled something on the counter without wiping it up sufficiently enough for my liking. And as soon as I recognized those thoughts creeping in…nope, STOP, just let it go. Surrender and see where it takes you. Well it took me to a much happier place in self. I was actually smiling and didn’t know why but then again I didn’t care, I simply smiled because I wanted to. There were no reasons for me to be angry. The house was supposed to be safe and happy place for everyone, and not because they were doing everything I wanted them to do and at my standards as well. Nothing, I celebrated the fact that there was life in the home. The dogs were happy, the kids were happy, my wife was happy, there was no sense of restriction or the weight of them wondering what I was going to question or chastise them about or point out. None of that and the weird thing is it felt so good.
Day two and i’m smiling wider than I was the day before because I’d had a day in which i’d simply rolled with the punches and talked to others with care and genuine concern. Not that i’ve never had care or concern I just always expressed it in a way only I understood. The atmosphere in the house was lighter, I could sense it. I don’t think anyone else has sensed it yet, they are all still waiting for me to show up to orchestrate their emotions and high light their shortcomings, but I want none of that. Every time I catch myself thinking along those lines I close my eyes and take a deep breath and surrender to whatever is going to appear as a result of my just accepting it.
Things just started showing up for me in this short amount of time. I mean big things. Clarity around where I want to take some of my communication skills, how I want to foster team growth with my Travel Business. How I can simply show up authentically and allow things to simply be rather than manipulating or positioning so things turn our favourably. Maybe and just maybe things turning out not so favourably will be the best thing to ever happen, but If I don’t surrender and simply let things unfold I’ll never know.
After a conversation with one of our professions top notch leaders, he asked for my address and mailed me a book that came in on the second day of my surrender journey. The book he sent me is The Surrender Experiment by Michael A. Singer after only a few pages, it began to simply validate all the teachings of Kyle Cease The End of Control So I’ve known about this truth for some time but just wouldn’t trust that what I have has value and as long as i’m working to manage and manipulate the pathway for my gifting to surface and serve others would never really make itself known.
It’s been a week now and I have to tell you, i’ve never felt lighter, I’ve never felt more motivated or focused.
Here is the funny thing, it’s not a focus to make things turn out the way I want them, it’s a focus to continue to celebrate life and just allow things to be what they are meant to be. My place is somewhere in there. I know it is because the conversations that have occurred as a result of this new found peace keeps leading me closer and closer to the things that I love doing. There is no cleaner way to say this. I’m watching it all unfold and if it doesn’t unfold the way I think it should, well i’m ok with that, because I know after only one week it’s a nicer home to be in, I’m an easier person to sit with, I feel giddy like a small kid and up until this week I didn’t have a place to put that emotion or even knew what it felt like to be a kid, because I’ve pretty much been an adult since the ripe age of 7 1/2. But that is a story for another blog post.
I’m going to unplug from the electronic world and go sit and enjoy some quiet time with my wife, because nothing is more important than that right now.